WHY MASTURBATING BUMS ARE BETTER THAN YOU

     If you think someone has their life together, you are wrong.  Every single person on this planet is just winging it.  I don't care if they are ridiculously successful and famous or rummaging through rat vomit and bum cum in a dumpster for a meal.  Having your shit together is a matter of perception. 
     A bum, maybe not the same bum who did the bum cum in the dumpster, but another bum may perceive you to be an elitist corporate stooge who sold their soul for social position and a paycheck.  You may look at that same bum and wonder how did they let their life get so far away from them.  Some people just aren't so good at faking having it all figured out, whatever 'it all' happens to be.  Just because someone wildly jerks off in a dumpster, it doesn't mean they are any further away from figuring it all out than you are.  All paths lead to the same place, most of us just choose to funnel ourselves into the societal construct we were born into. 
     I am not going to go so far as to say that a homeless masturbator is a bastion of freedom and a pioneer of any kind.  But at least he is not sitting around giving a shit how many friends he has on facebook.
     "Dumpster Tugger says I just tugged off a massive one behind Wendy's.  Now that burgers got some EXTRA MAYO.  LOL."
     Hellwagon likes this.
     Life gets away from all of us.  Very few people are living the lives they thought they would.  For most of us every day is a blind fight through a fiery diarrhea hurricane with your mouth open.  I would only be mildly surprised if somewhere in the world a woman has been saving her menstruation in a fetid oil drum in order to pour it on my head the split second after I have the greatest moment of my life. 
     I imagine I will feel like Carrie all pissed off at the prom like she had her period again, but without the ability to punish my tormentor.  I will just be some red faced dickpipe wondering if I should even bother to retaliate by throwing my own poo.
     It would be like throwing pebbles at a tank really.  If someone nearly drowns you in their menstrual flow, it's over buddy.  No matter what you do, you lose.  Period.  (Ha ha, Period.)
     Anyway, I have to believe that even the most rich and famous and financially stable and focused people in the world still have times when they own up to themselves and have their own moments of recrimination and self doubt just like everyone else. 
     We are all taking a beating, some of us can just take more than others, and I imagine a bum's dick takes one hell of a beating.  Any human being sitting alone wonders who in the hell they are, questions everything they have ever done, at one point or another we all crawl into our own heads and rummage around the depths of our own self worth like the bum rooting around in a dumpster.  Are we doing what we should, are we fulfilling our purpose and giving meaning to our lives?  Having to answer to that is downright terrifying.  So, to escape from that we will bury our brains in our televisions, computers and stupid ass phones, anything we can possibly do to distract us from any form of self examination. 
     The noise of the world will never drown out the sound of yourself.  You cannot hide in there forever.
     I don't know what got me rambling on this subject.  I think a lot of it has to do with watching every jagoff in the universe shut out the world and incessantly finger their phones like teenage boys trying to find an electric clit.  Maybe my life isn't as interesting as the rest of the world.  I mean, I get the social media thing, your life is your big fuck all show and you want to be a star and everyone should be interested in you because you are so witty and fantastic and cool. 
     Let me let you in on something, you are very probably really fucking boring and all of those 'friends' are just too nice to let you know.  Everyone plays with their phones all the time and gets on facebook and twatters about themselves because it gives them a sense of importance and purpose.  You become the center of your mundane universe and people pay attention for a few seconds.
     Then people forget.
     You will not forget the day you saw a masturbating hobo.  You will forget every facebook post or tweet you have ever read.  Social media has no impact.  It has no depth.  It has no character.  There is no time or place or story to tell, it never fleshes itself out, all things die instantly because the next thing has just come along.  There are no more men leading lives of quiet desperation.  Now, well now we see how desperate we all are every second of the day.
     If you are trying to figure out who you are and your place in the world, you are not going to end your journey of self discovery in the finite space of twitter or by finally writing that post that every single friend likes.  A homeless person has the edge over you.  They are concerned with basic needs, food, water, and a warm place to sleep and possibly tug one out and they don't feel compelled to tell everyone about it.  They are too busy living their lives to give a fuck what you think about it.
    
Hellwagon.