I asked my wife last night 'if a blind person says that all black people look alike, would that be considered racist.' She mumbled 'yes, you stupid asshole' or something along those lines. Although technically, to a blind person, everyone looks alike, looks a-like nothing. Hot damn, the extremely rare and insanely rude blind dude burn. So, anyway, maybe since everyone looks alike to blind people then by the transitive property all blind people are totally racist against everyone.
Yes. Indeed. I too think that might be the stupidest thing I have ever written.
I can't help it, I think of these things and just cannot let them go. I don't mean anything by them. I'm not sure about everyone else, but I have absolutely no control over what I think about. These things just happen to me. I would never intentionally insult someone based on a disability, so if you are blind, you are fucking blind then, so fucking what ya pile of dick cream.
If you are hypersensitive about it and can't take a joke then you are just a overly self-conscious dick pimple like almost everyone else in the world and you just happen to be blind as well and need something to whine about to get attention because you are completely unoriginal.
I imagine being blind has its benefits. In my opinion, the main one would be not having to look at people. Granted, there are beautiful people in this world who everyone wants to look at, but that is just a small percentage. The larger group of people is the larger group of people. Most people are big and plain or just plain ugly looking, and some are so big and so frightful to look upon that you wonder how you and that lumbering behemoth can be categorized as the same species.
Blind people get to decide whose face they want to touch to find out what they look like instead of having to be subjected to the eye rape of looking at some ghastly train wreck of a face without even asking for it. It fucking blows that you have no choice in the matter.
You just turn your head to look into the car next to you and holy fucking ugly shitfire, who let that ungodly monstrosity out of the zoo filled with animals that were raped by unwashed people with genetic defects. For the love of Christ, how in the hell do you get acne on your teeth? If you are reading this and you are ugly, who fucking cares.
Seriously, if you let the opinion of other people define who you are and what you think about yourself then whether you are ugly or beautiful or blind to all of it you most certainly are a half eaten piece of worm shit and a total fucking failure. You are not what I think of you, but I am free to have my opinions.
That being said, I would rather be a totally sexy blind man than be able to see how fucking ugly I was.
I do wonder how blind people know when they are done wiping their ass. It can't be by sniff test. No matter how clean said asshole is, if something touches asshole it's going to smell like asshole. I guess after a lifetime of doing it without seeing you just somehow know. Like a medium whose crystal ball has a giant crack in it. A medium asshole.
I assume it is well documented somewhere that I could give a lazy fuck to look up that if you lose one sense all your other senses supposedly heighten their capabilities. The ability to correctly diagnose a clean asshole with no looksies may be one of those powers.
I have been using the word asshole a lot lately. I should look into that. Ha ha ha ha go fuck yourself me.
I don't know though. Many times you think you are done and you take another wipe and lo and behold, more smears of poo, you keep going and then jackpot, smears of blood, you keep going and hot damn you tore out some hair and found a nickel and some legos. Double super secret bonus jackpot points because now you can finish your turd fort. If you find nickels in your poop I would hope the slot on your piggy bank is in the rear.
I imagine I would have heard by now if all blind people smelled like poop because they can't wipe properly. That kind of sweeping generalization would not have gone unnoticed by a fuckhead like myself. So, odds are whatever system is in place is working perfectly.
On another subject, has anyone ever velcroed their ass cheeks or twat lips together? I think that would be most awesome. Oh, the hijinks that would ensue when you sat down for crap time or blasted a moist and mighty queef. 'Who tore a phone book in half then unleashed that queef in here? I'm looking at you Phyllis.' Unleash the Queef. Sounds like a line from a monster movie. I would seek immediate medical attention if you can muster enough force with a queef to decimate the snug bonds of a velcro vagina. Either see a doctor or buy a pinwheel and make that fucker spin.
Well, I can safely say that is the first time I ever suggested that another human being blow a queef at a pinwheel. You can even scream 'FIRE IN THE HOLE' if you like.
I can also safely say it won't be the last. If I was blind but by some miracle of science they could restore my sight and they asked me what is the first thing I would want to see. I would say a thousand women lying spread eagle on a flowery hillside littered with pinwheels and willow trees. As my eyes slowly opened like a newborn babe, they would unleash the queef. The funky breeze would blow gently through the spinning pinwheels as I would softly weep. It would sound majestic, like an angel with diarrhea.
Or my kids, would totally love to look at my kids.
I was going to look up on the interwebs about how can blind people tell when they are done cleaning their shitholes, but I am currently at work. Not a googly search I want to have to explain later. I have enough of a reputation for being fucked in the head for telling people at work that I think faucets looks like dicks. Which they do.
Touch the balls and it pours out, oh yeah, wash your hands in my glorious torrent. Splash my discharge all over your dirty face you slut. Oh gross, you are going to brush your teeth with that. Yikes. You have been looking at them your whole life and never noticed, now you are going to think about touching a dick and balls every time you wash your hands. Gay.
Even though deaf people can see, I bet it is a whole lot easier to sneak up on a deaf dude than a blind dude. It's a lot harder to be completely silent than to hide behind a mailbox with a bat. People who can see get robbed and beat up and fucked in back alleys all the time. Nice double entendre if I do say so, fucked in the back alley. Sweet wordsmithery. Anywho, you don't see many news stories about blind people getting worked over and robbed and cornholed.
It is probably because they are a small percentage of the population, therefore there just aren't as many of them to steal from. I doubt it is because they are really super good at detecting danger. I really don't have a clue, about most things really. I suppose there is very little merit in spending ones time thinking about being blind, faucet dicks and queefy breezes.
What's the point? There is none you shit, there is no point to anything really, we are all just finding different ways to pass the time until we fucking die. I prefer to spend mine contemplating inane bullshit that makes me laugh. If you want to try to uncover the mysteries of the universe, go right ahead you pompous dickpipe, see how far you get. I was already bored with the subject matter after writing that sentence.
Hellwagon.
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